Allocution
by LeahCK
Summary: Olivia and Alex suffer separately as they deal with their attraction for one another.  Four chapters, four alternating points of view.  Rated M for where it ends.
1. Chapter 1

It was a hard case for us all. It was particularly tough for Olivia. It was late on a Thursday and we sat around the precinct mostly in silence. I wasn't even sure why I was still there. I guess I didn't want to be alone. Which I didn't really want to admit but it was true.

I perched on Elliot's desk and looked down at her. She was acting like she was busy with paperwork but I knew better. She wasn't concentrating. I had known her long enough to sense her quiet rage, her desperation. I was worried but at a loss for what to do. I'm not necessarily the nurturing or comforting type. I never have been. Well, not really.

"Here you go, Alex" El said, offering me a folder.

"Well, we live to fight another day" I offered, not quite sure what to say.

El nodded but when I turned to Olivia, I caught the tail end of an eye-roll. What the fuck was her problem? It was easy to get angry at her. Anger I understood. I tried to calm myself down.

"Olivia... are you alright?" I should have left her alone, I knew that. But I couldn't help myself. I liked controlling things... people... outcomes, everything. Olivia seemed out of control. And an inexplicable part of me wanted to ease her pain, I just didn't know how... or why it was so important that I be the one to do it.

"Fine" she uttered, annoyed. Annoyed at me? I couldn't tell but her annoyance was annoying me.

"Ok, I gotta go, see you guys later" she said, emotionless, as she picked up her leather jacket from the back of her chair.

I had gotten up from Elliot's desk. My arms were crossed as my last form of defense but when Olivia moved past me, I couldn't help myself and reached out to touch her arm.

She pulled back like I was an open flame. It hurt.

"Please, Alex, just leave me alone, ok?" she tried to soften her voice, ease her rage but it didn't work.

She walked out the door leaving Elliot and I looking after her. Even with such a cold reception from her, I couldn't help but admire her form. Strong, lean, toned body. Chestnut hair slightly past her shoulders. Fucking incredible ass. Ugh, I felt like a pervert.

I looked back at Elliot, still somewhat exasperated by her response to me.

He read my confusion. "Best to just let her blow off steam, Al. She gets like this. She'll be alright tomorrow" he said and went back to his work.

I looked at the vacant doorway where she had been and heard the distant bell of the elevator.

* * *

><p>I breathed in the cool night air and found some comfort in it.<p>

I felt badly. I think I hurt her feelings. I didn't mean to but why couldn't she just leave me the fuck alone?

Relax, Olivia, I told myself. She doesn't know.

The last thing I ever want in these moments is any attention from Alex. It was too hard. I accepted that I had feelings for her a long time ago. At first, it was kind of fun to have a crush on someone at work. Made the days a little easier, a little more exciting. In times like this, though, when all I wanted was to fuck someone and clear my head, it was torture.

I thought the crush would pass, that I'd grow bored like I usually did. But it didn't and I didn't. When she left, it tormented me. When she ignored me after her release from WITSEC, it crushed me. I still don't understand it but I've come to realize that I'd rather not know.

One night after she had returned as quickly as she left, when I felt like I was being suffocated by my obsession, I made a list of all the reasons why I could never have her. I burned it after but it was emblazoned on my brain. First of all, Alex was so not gay. Secondly, even if she were gay, we worked together and it could never happen. It would be wrong. Maybe that is why it was so alluring to me... why I was so attracted to her. I still can't figure it all out.

However, the last reason and maybe the most important one was that even if she were gay and somehow interested in fucked-up, train-wreck me, I could never trust myself with her. Because of times like this. Moments when I felt so out of control that the only thing that made my brain work again was to take someone. And I could never do that to her.

I ignored these desires, rages really, for a long time. But there came a point when I couldn't ignore them any longer. I felt sick about it. I was terrified that it was a part of my DNA. Maybe it is, I don't know. But then I gave in and it worked. Except the guilt of the morning after nearly killed me. After a few more times, the guilt went away or at least I found a way to compartmentalize it so it didn't paralyze me.

Of course, the sex was always consensual. There are lines I would never cross, ever. And now I had a small number of women I could call when I felt like this, who don't question me and know what I need. And seem to enjoy it as much as I need it.

I finally reached my car and sat in the front seat as it warmed up. I pulled out my phone and scrolled through the names. I stopped at Jill. I didn't know her very well but that was kind of the point. I tried not to see any one too often as it gave off the wrong impression. I hadn't seen Jill for a few months.

I texted her my usual: "hey, what are you up to?"

I stared out my windshield, waiting for the reply. I thought about Alex. She was the one I really wanted. My arm still tingled where she had touched me as I left, it felt like it was on fire. I rubbed my arm, trying to free myself, as if it wasn't all in my head.

I was startled when my phone buzzed.

"hi! not much, meet me for a drink? i'm at weather up in tribeca."

"be there soon" I replied.

* * *

><p>I went back to my office to send a few emails I had been avoiding since the verdict. I looked at the time on my blackberry. It was 10:01pm. I was tired but my mind was spinning.<p>

I bet Olivia is still awake, I thought. I picked up my blackberry to call her but checked myself. Stop acting like a mental patient. She obviously wants to be left alone.

I have a hard time letting go which makes me a great prosecutor... but a shit friend. I want to fix things. I want to get my way. I wanted to be there for Olivia and it annoyed me that I couldn't be. I felt incompetent and rejected.

These feelings were rare for me but not exactly foreign. They were strikingly redolent of my one serious relationship with a woman. It was the first and last time I was in love.

I was a sophomore at Harvard. She was a third year senior, a fact she was notoriously known for around campus. I initially thought she was an idiot, she had to be. But then I met her one night at a party. She was so much smarter than so many of the privileged assholes I knew. I couldn't understand why she was still there.

We connected right away. At first, it was just a friendship. We listened to music and studied and went for coffee. It was fun, she was different.

I remember when I told her in her room one night that I thought I had a crush on her. She said "You're cute, Alex" and hugged me like I was a stupid kid. But when I left that night she turned me around and kissed me. And it was amazing. I had never felt like that before.

We were together for a year and then she left. Left me, left the school, left the state. And it broke me. I felt like a fucking idiot for ever letting down my guard. So I refused to show how hurt I was. I put on one hell of a show. For everyone. Inside, I felt dead.

Eventually the pain subsided and I moved on. Kind of. Sometimes I think I'm still broken.

Olivia reminded me of Emily.

I made up my mind to go to her apartment. I looked around my office and spotted a bottle of white wine sitting on top of my mini-fridge, a gift from Cutter. I grabbed the wine and my coat from the coat rack and locked my office door behind me. As I walked down the hall, the click of my heels on the linoleum comforted me in a strange way. Made me feel more powerful and confident than I felt inside.

* * *

><p>I don't remember when it was that I realized my feelings for Alex were affecting different aspects of my life. One huge revelation I had was that while my "type" was tall and blonde, the girls I chose for nights like this were all shorter and brunette.<p>

It was like I was protecting her from me. You are so fucked up, I told myself.

Still, I'd had plenty of fantasies about her, fantasies where I didn't protect her, where I did the opposite. Too many to count.

Even fighting with her was kind of hot. I'd get wet during our arguments. It made it hard to focus but somehow easier too. Like I was fighting both of us.

Why did she have to be so beautiful? It wasn't fair. She was also smart and witty and kind of funny if she let you see that side of her. I saw opportunities to get closer to her but I always pulled back. It felt irresponsible.

I saw Jill sitting at the bar as I walked in. I was pleased with my choice. She was cute and edgy and entirely the opposite of her. And I was more than primed. The combination of this fucked case and all the thinking about Alex had made me feel crazy, insatiable... tortured.

Jill would help dull the pain, at least for tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

I had been to her apartment once in all the time I had known her and just briefly so I could get her signature on a deposition. I never even made two feet inside the door.

It was only after I got in a cab did I start to become dubious about my current endeavor. Was I insane?

I quickly convinced myself I wasn't insane, that my intent was sound. A colleague... friend... whatever... was clearly upset. Bringing by a bottle of wine and offering to listen was what caring, normal people did, right? There was no way anyone could detect any other motives. I had solid downside protection.

I paid the cabbie and approached her building. She didn't have a doorman so I'd have to buzz up but at that moment a man in a suit came through the door. He held it open for me and smiled. So much for buzzing.

Once inside, I felt a panic rise within me. I tried again to understand exactly what I hoped to accomplish by coming here. Generally, I liked goals and clearly defined parameters but this whole thing felt ambiguous and chaotic.

Was my ego so bruised by her pulling away from me that I had to remedy it to feel important, to feel competent? Or am I such a control freak that I need to control how other people feel?

I suppose if I was truly being honest with myself, I'd realize that I don't care how other people feel. I care how she feels.

The elevator brought me to the fifth floor. I remember her door being near the elevator, just to the left.

5B.

I knocked softly and stepped back, all of a sudden not quite comfortable in my own skin.

No response.

I knocked again but stopped myself between the second and third rap. She could be asleep and if that was the case, I didn't want to wake her.

I was relieved.

I pushed the down button on the elevator. I waited but it seemed like it was stuck on the first floor. I jammed at the button repeatedly in frustration.

Jesus, I'm on edge. I took a deep breath.

Maybe taking the stairs would help. I followed the hallway around the corner to find the stairwell.

And then I heard the elevator door open.

Two women practically fell out, entangled together. Kissing. Moaning. Hands desperately searching for contact.

I knew it was her right away. I recognized the leather jacket.

Fuck me.

I got a brief look at the other woman. She was shorter, brunette. Nice body. Pretty from what I could tell.

Well, not that pretty.

Olivia was clearly the aggressor. She pushed the girl against the wall next to her door and kissed down her neck. Her hands grabbed onto her waist, holding her there. One hand moved up to fondle her breast through her shirt.

My senses came back to me and I quickly retreated further around the corner so I wouldn't be seen. Jesus fuck, that would have been awkward.

I looked up and saw that there was a security mirror positioned in the corner of the ceiling. Fortunately or unfortunately, it gave me a perfect view of the scene unfolding just around the corner. Plus, I could hear them like they were on top of me.

Olivia kissed the girl, hard, and slipped her hand under her shirt, grabbing her breast. It wasn't gentle. The girl cried out.

"Eager, are we?" Olivia taunted, kissing her again.

I felt a sharp pull between my legs.

My eyes were glued on her. The way she kissed... the way she looked... the way she was touching her...

I realized in that moment that I was wet myself. Which made me feel dirty. I realized a second later that I was jealous. Which made me feel like an idiot.

Olivia grabbed the girl's face and brought her mouth down to hers. She slipped her hand out from underneath her shirt and down the front of her jeans. She pulled back and watched as the girl moaned, squeezed her eyes shut and let her head thud back against the wall. Even though I was viewing this through a reflection on a mirror, I could still see the crazed lust in her eyes. It wasn't the Olivia I knew.

I pulled my eyes away from the mirror and let out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

I tried to get control of my brain and make sense of it all.

Only one thought was clear.

I hated myself for wishing that was me.

* * *

><p>I was still breathing hard. We were naked. I laid between her legs, my head turned to the side, resting on her stomach. She was stroking my hair. I couldn't remember how we ended up this way.<p>

I felt calmer now. Like I had been drained of rage and anger and regret and sadness. The fog lifted from my brain.

But I still thought about her. Alex.

I knew I couldn't have her but that fact didn't seem to reduce my craving her. I wondered what it would feel like to have her stroke my hair, how her body would feel, what she would be like... how she would taste...

"Who's Alex?" Jill asked quietly, stopping the movement of her fingers in my hair and breaking my reverie.

"What?" I asked, startled.

Was I thinking out loud?

"Alex. You called me 'Alex' when you were... " she trailed off which was fine because I got the picture.

Fuck. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I composed myself. I kissed her stomach and pushed myself up, giving her a reassuring smile.

"She's no one... Come on, I'll drive you home."

* * *

><p>I slowly opened my apartment door and locked it behind me. I felt like I was sleepwalking. I couldn't stop playing it back.<p>

I leaned my back against the door and closed my eyes, rubbing my temple.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Big fucking deal, Olivia was gay and she fucked women. Not a huge shock.

Wait, random women? Or girlfriend?

Ugh, who cares? Let it go.

I pushed off the door, lifelessly dropping my keys in the dish and made my way to my bedroom. I just wanted to sleep. And stop thinking.

I slipped off my skirt and blouse and bra and pulled on a black tank top. I couldn't find any pajama pants or shorts and was too tired to look. I brushed quickly and washed my face. My reflection seemed flushed. Tell-tale pink splotches were visible on my neck.

Super attractive, Alex, I thought, suddenly annoyed at everything... but mainly at myself.

Climbing into my perfectly made bed gave me fleeting comfort.

For as much depravity as I saw on a daily basis, I usually slept pretty well. I had always been like that, since I could remember.

Tonight though, my brain would not shut off.

I couldn't stop seeing Olivia's lips on that girl, her hands on her body... I couldn't stop seeing her.

I became painfully aware of the ache between my legs.

I let my hand fall down and slip inside my panties. As I trailed two fingers through my folds, I discovered just how wet I was.

My back arched off the bed when I lightly grazed my clit.

I couldn't stop now.

And I was powerless to prevent myself from imagining how her lips would feel on mine, her hands on my breasts...

I was moaning loudly but I didn't care. I could feel ashamed afterwards.

I rubbed my clit.

And thought about her hand between my legs... inside me.

I came fast and hard before I even knew it was happening.

* * *

><p>I ended up fucking her in the car with my hand before dropping her off. A part of me thought it might make me forget about Alex. It was desperate, I knew.<p>

I poured myself a glass of water and leaned against the refrigerator door.

I couldn't get her out of my mind. Her pale skin, her blond hair, her perfect lips.

Her touch. I could still feel it.

I crawled into bed, exhausted.

And I knew I'd dream about her...

You're so fucked.

It was the last thing I remembered thinking before I drifted to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Things were noticeably tense between us after that night. I had to assume that I was subconsciously giving off different vibes and she was reacting to them. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to separate out what I knew now from how I saw her. There were things she did, certain mannerisms or a fleeting look, that would remind me.

Clarity had come later. I had thought about what Elliot had said after she stormed out of the precinct. That she "gets like this" and would be fine in the morning. I realized that what I had witnessed was her blowing off steam, for lack of a better phrase. That girl wasn't her girlfriend, she was her release. It frightened me but mostly, shamefully and pathetically, it excited me.

I gave up on fighting, pleasuring myself nightly thinking about her. It was like a levee had burst inside me and the water was flowing so quickly and so powerfully that I was helpless to mobilize a counter structure.

I could only let it wash over me and pray I didn't drown.

* * *

><p>I didn't know what had changed. Something about that night and the days afterwards were different. I couldn't get her out of my mind. She had always been there, somewhere in my head, but I had been able to push it back, to isolate it from my conscious.<p>

The strangest part of it was that she seemed different too. Something about the way she looked at me. She seemed uncomfortable. She had always been a bit awkward, a play I think she ran on purpose to unnerve people, to get them off their game so she could pounce. She was clever like that. But this was something else.

I tried to avoid her if I could. Struggled to stop myself from thinking about her. None of it mattered. All my attempts failed. When I did see her or allowed myself to think about her, usually at night, my body felt like it was on fire, like I was burning. And I was powerless to control the flames.

I worried I would eventually choke on the smoke.

* * *

><p>Today was beyond a clusterfuck. Donnelly was the first to inform me of the situation. The fact that she knew before I did rendered me not only fucked but also largely useless in mitigating this disaster.<p>

I paced around my office, beyond pissed. Olivia wasn't answering her phone. I had called 11 times.

Another idea. I dialed from memory.

He answered the phone on the second ring.

"Where is she?" I demanded, foregoing a hello.

A sigh on the other end of the line.

"Elliot, don't play games with me, where is she?" I was angry but in control. It was one of my strengths.

"Alex, come on. She knows she messed up."

I waited, refusing to engage with him. This wasn't his battle and I was sick of their 'thick as thieves' bullshit.

He tried again. "Go easy on her... please."

"Like hell I will. Tell me."

"Jesus, she'd been awake for over 48 hours." He sighed again.

"Elliot." I wasn't saying his name. It was a warning and he knew it.

"She's in the crib. Al-" I cut him off.

"Stay out of this. And I don't want you anywhere near the precinct until I tell you otherwise. One rogue detective to clean up after is enough."

I hung up before he could respond.

I grabbed my coat.

Fucking Olivia.

* * *

><p>I was exhausted, I hadn't slept in over two days. I crossed a line today and I knew it. I knew it when I did it. This case was under my skin. All the feelings of helplessness, anger, sadness and rage hit me at once. I didn't care what happened to me, I needed to do something.<p>

It was 12am and the precinct was empty. I thought about going home but I didn't think I'd make it. Elliot convinced me to sleep for a couple of hours in the crib and I was too tired to argue. Just a few hours and then I'd be able to get out of here and release myself from it all... the only way I knew how.

I wasn't sure how long I had been asleep when I registered a flash of light and heard the horrible cacophony of a door slamming and blinds crunching against each other.

I jerked upright, my feet planted on the floor. I should have known. I think I did.

Alex.

"Are you out of your mind?" she wasn't yelling. She never yelled, she knew she was more effective with her exacting, controlled delivery. Enunciating each word. I loved her voice, even when she was using it to reprimand me.

I met her eyes. She was furious. I wasn't surprised.

I didn't reply to her rhetorical question. I averted my eyes instead.

"Don't you dare look away, do you even understand what you have done?" She had moved to the center of the room, a few feet away from me. I stood up from the cot and pushed my fingers through my hair.

"I know, Alex."

"No, I don't think you do. I don't think you have any idea the damage you've caused."

I knew she was right but I couldn't handle it. I felt the ember inside me.

She was pacing now.

God, I wanted her. I hated myself for thinking it in light of this situation but I was spinning out of control. The masochistic part of me wanted to feel as terrible as I could. I focused on the fact that I couldn't have her, hoping it would center me, but all it did was fuel the fire.

"You've gone too far this time. And there is nothing I can do about it, you made sure of that."

She was getting angrier. And I was getting angrier - at myself, at this case, at her for making me feel like this. It wasn't her fault but I didn't care. I couldn't make out the words she was saying anymore. I was seeing red.

Finally, a break in her tirade.

"Are you finished?" I seethed.

"Not even close." She didn't skip a beat.

I knew I was wet and I knew that this was dangerous. A confluence of everything I hated about myself, everything that was out of my control.

And I knew she wouldn't stop. She wouldn't let it go. She never let anything go.

I wasn't thinking clearly.

"Did you know many cases will be overturned because of your arrogance and selfishness?"

My body was on fire.

"And don't kid yourself, you've implicated this entire department. And the D.A.'s office. Donnelly is already all over my ass and I'll lucky if I get out of this without being disbarred."

"Enough, I get it! I fucked up!" I screamed, burning from the inside out.

"That is putting it mildly" she stated, seemingly unfazed by my eruption.

I was barely hanging on - the lack of sleep, this case, the twitching in my groin echoed in my head.

I couldn't be in this room with her. I had to get out before I lost it completely.


	4. Chapter 4

I could tell she was unraveling but I couldn't stop berating her, all my frustrations voiced in my tirade.

"I have to get out of here" she said as she charged past me for the door. I didn't turn around after her.

"Right, so you can find some little slut to fuck" I muttered under my breath.

Shit.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to pretend I hadn't just done that. Maybe she didn't hear me.

"What did you say to me?" she hissed. I steeled myself quickly and turned around. She was in front of me, shock and rage written all over her face. I was disarmed, her proximity immediately making me heady.

"Nothing... forget it." It was unconvincing but it was all I could think of as her eyes burned into me.

This had gone too far. I had to get away from her. I tried to move past her but she grabbed my arm. I was caught, literally and figuratively.

"What did you say?" she demanded again, bringing my face close.

I couldn't form words, I just stared at her. Her eyes searched for answers in mine. After a moment, she seemed resolved.

"Listen to me carefully" she growled, tightening her grip on my arm. "I don't know what you think you know but what I do and with whom has nothing to do with you."

"Clearly" I bit back, angry now and not caring if she knew it. I yanked my arm free with strength I didn't know I had and tried for the door again.

I opened it only a sliver before it was slammed closed by her hand above me. She forced me around.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Our faces were inches apart. I could feel her breath wash over me and I could see the dilation of her pupils. It felt strangely familiar. It took me a second but I placed it. It was the same look I had seen in her eyes that night outside of her apartment.

My body reacted of its own volition and I felt the ache between my thighs. I squirmed slightly, desperate for contact, to feel her body on mine.

She lowered her lids and I was almost certain that she was going to kiss me.

But instead, she looked back in my eyes, frightened and bewildered.

"Do it" I breathed out before I knew what I was doing.

* * *

><p>I hesitated, confused. I'm imagining this. Or misreading her. Maybe it was the lack of sleep.<p>

"Fucking do it" she challenged me again, through clenched teeth. This time, there was little question. And I couldn't resist even if I was wrong.

I closed the gap between us and took her mouth in mine. Her lips were so soft. I immediately fell in love with kissing her. She was perfect.

I half expected her to pull back and slap me. Instead, she eagerly kissed me back. It was incredible - wet and warm and hot. I felt her moan into my mouth when I nipped at her bottom lip. She deepened the kiss, opening herself to me.

My tongue touched hers and we both groaned. I pressed my body into her. God, she was so warm.

I was overwhelmed by the need to touch her everywhere at once. I wrapped my hands around her back, frantically touching any part of her I could find. She whimpered the entire time.

She smelled so good, like lavender and perfume. I was intoxicated. Out of control.

I pulled back and looked in her eyes. They were a darker blue than I remembered and her face was flushed. I had never seen her look so beautiful.

"Alex?" My voice didn't sound like my own.

She took my hand in hers, pulling it away from her, her eyes locked on mine. My heart sank and I panicked momentarily. She doesn't want this.

But then she guided my hand under her dress, up her inner thigh and pressed it into her center. I could feel the wetness that had seeped through her panties. She arched her back off the door, pushing into my hand, and moaned.

I closed my eyes, relishing the feel of her, hoping I would never forget this if tonight was the only time.

My hand was twitching and I fought back the urge to push the fabric aside and be inside her.

Instead, I slanted my mouth over hers and kissed her, our tongues tangling together, battling for control. She seemed to want it as much as I did which fueled the fire within me. Her hands were in my hair, grabbing, pulling.

I reached behind her and locked the door.

I slid my hand up from her waist to cup her breast through her dress. She pressed into me. I needed more. I tried unbuttoning the top of her dress but fumbled as I felt her hands begin working to undo my belt.

I still couldn't believe this was happening. But it was.

I gave up unbuttoning and quickly pulled the dress over her head, leaving her exposed in matching black bra and panties. Fuck, she was gorgeous. She pulled me to her and growled as I took her lips again.

I made quick work of her bra, letting it drop to the floor. I covered her bare breasts with my hands, groaning, getting wetter myself when I felt her nipples become erect in my palms.

"Yes" she whimpered.

She pushed me off her and we started stumbling backwards towards the cot. I was frantic, wanting to be naked myself but not being able to focus on anything that wasn't her. But she was determined. She helped me pull my sweater over my head and then returned to unzipping my pants, pushing them down my hips. She reached her hand around and unclasped my bra. My brain noted that she was fast, adept, not the first time she had done that I was sure.

I couldn't get enough of her skin, her smell, her mouth.

Before I knew it, I was naked and she was clad only in black panties which I wanted off immediately. The back of my knees hit the cot and I fell backwards, sitting on the edge. I took hold of her hips and brought her body to me, kissing her stomach. I hooked my fingers into the elastic of her panties and looked up at her as I pulled them down. She stepped out slowly. It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen in my life. I felt a fresh flood of wetness between my legs.

God, I wanted to fuck her so badly.

She climbed over my legs, straddling me. I grabbed her ass and pulled her into me, feeling her wetness coat my lower stomach. She tangled her fingers in my hair and leaned down to kiss me. My hands traveled up her sides to find her breasts again. Her body was so perfect. I brushed my thumbs against her nipples and she tore her lips from my mouth, crying out. I used the distraction to pull her closer, kissing her right breast until my lips found her nipple. I flicked my tongue over it and she pushed harder into me.

I couldn't take it anymore and let my hand travel down in between her thighs, supporting her with my hand on her back. I meant to tease her but couldn't stop my fingers from sliding through her folds. God, she was so wet. For me. The thought made me crazy. She jerked her hips forward to increase the pressure, making me spasm inside with need.

"Please," she whimpered, trembling.

I wanted to take her but a wave of fear washed over me and I was paralyzed. Scared of what I was capable of, of what I had told myself I would never do.

* * *

><p>Her fingers ceased their movement between my legs and I wanted to scream. I could feel the tension emanating from her. If she stopped now, I was sure I'd die.<p>

I leaned in and whispered.

"Stop thinking. Just fuck me." I punctuated the statement by licking around the shell of her ear.

"Fuck" she exhaled, shivering. Before I knew it, she had grabbed hold of my waist and flipped us over onto the cot. She pinned my arms above my head, radiating strength, her brown eyes nearly black.

God, she's so fucking sexy.

She transferred my wrists to her left hand, keeping me restrained, while her free right hand moved down my body, across my breast, down my stomach until her hand was in between my legs. I struggled to increase the contact but she had me trapped. She leaned down to kiss me again and when I tried to kiss her back, she pulled up, just out of my reach, teasing me.

Her fingers slid through my wetness again and my back arched up.

I half screamed, half moaned as her fingers brushed my clit. Slowly, her fingers traveled downward until she paused outside my opening. She brought her mouth down to mine again, giving me more as I struggled to push upwards on her hand. As her tongue slid into my mouth, she entered me. The dual sensations left me overwhelmed.

I kissed her back aggressively, hoping to seduce her into fucking me the way I wanted her to, the way I was certain she wanted to as well.

Her fingers pushed the rest of the way inside me. We both moaned and my eyes rolled back in my head. She pulled out slowly until just the tips of her fingers were inside and then after what seemed like minutes, she entered me again.

"You're so tight" she murmured in my hair.

God, it felt so good. I could feel my inner walls try to hold on to her as she thrust in and out, slowly.

"Harder" I breathed. "Fuck me harder." She seemed surprised by this and paused mid-stroke.

At once, I felt the tension fall away from her. She pulled out and thrust in again, slamming into me. Exactly how I wanted it.

I pushed my hips up, following her rhythm.

"Don't stop" I whimpered.

She was breathing hard on top of me. I made eye contact and she brought her mouth down to mine swallowing my scream as she thrust again. She let go of my wrists to focus on fucking me and I grabbed onto her back, my nails digging into her skin.

"Fuck... Alex" she breathed next to my ear.

My clit was throbbing. Somehow she sensed my need and her thumb found my wanting bundle. She slid over me once... twice... and I knew it was over.

I couldn't stop the world from crashing into me and squeezed my eyes shot as my body jerked up and I came harder than I could ever remember. She continued to thrust into me, more slowly now. My brain registered her moans under my own.

Her fingers slowed their movement entirely and she let her body rest on top of mine. We were both gasping for breath and I had to remind myself to swallow. She tried to remove her hand and I mewled my disapproval.

She kissed my neck softly. I kept my eyes shut, not wanting this to ever end.

I tilted my head to find her mouth again and pushed my lips into hers. She kissed me gently, deeply. Her fingers slowly slid out of me and she lifted herself above my body, looking down at me.

I felt myself become aroused again, her body on display before me. I brought my hand up to massage her full breast and groaned at the feeling of her. She ground her center down against my thigh and I could feel her need.

I wanted to make her come.

I let my hand trail down her body until I reached the moist triangle above her pussy. I played there for a second, teasing her, before I reached down to her inner thigh and lightly caressed her. She was panting now.

I let my fingers glide through her. She was dripping wet.

"Fuck" she hissed and pushed up from me. I stroked her hardened clit with what I hoped was just enough pressure to keep her on edge. I left her throbbing bundle and pushed two fingers inside her, slowly.

"God, yes" she hissed. She grabbed onto the caged underbelly of the bunk above us, hooking her fingers through the interlocking metal. Her head dropped to the side, hair failing in her face. She lifted herself off my fingers before pressing down again.

And I could feel everything, her hot channel gripping hungrily at my fingers, the tension built up inside her. I grabbed her hip to help guide her up and down and let my thumb brush against her clit making her body jerk. She looked down directly at me, eyes black, lids barely open. I brushed her clit again and she contracted around my fingers rapidly. I felt her wetness drip down my wrist.

She threw her head back and cried out my name.

* * *

><p>I think I screamed her name but I couldn't be sure. Everything was at once dull and amplified. All I could register clearly was her hand moving slowly inside me as the contractions died down.<p>

I looked down at her, through the hair that had fallen in front of my face. She was so pretty. Her hair was damp, stuck to her neck in places. She wet her lips.

I shouldn't have wanted her again given the power of the orgasm she just gave me but I did, right now. I lifted slowly off her hand, groaning at the absence. I lowered myself down again, straddling her thigh, needing the pressure. I took hold of her wrist and brought her wet fingers to my mouth, licking them clean, enjoying the taste of myself and the look of excitement on her face.

She parted her lips and moaned. I brought my mouth down to hers, kissing her, reveling once again in the feel of her lips and her mouth. She responded with abandon.

I pulled back.

"I want to taste you" I whispered.

"Yes" she replied.

I sat up, bringing her with me. I regretfully disengaged from her body long enough to kneel down on the floor next to the cot. I pulled her forward until she was sitting on the edge.

I held onto her and kissed her stomach as she watched. Her hand threaded in my hair, making my head tingle.

Down to her hip bones, nipping lightly. I rubbed up her thigh. I could smell her arousal and it took everything I had to go slowly.

I leaned back on my knees.

"Spread your legs" I demanded softly.

She leaned back on her arms and slowly spread her legs, opening herself to me. Her pussy glistened with wetness, her clit pulsing. I licked my lips. Her eyes glazed over.

I leaned forward and dipped in, licking slowly up the length of her slit, drawing a deep moan from her. She tasted incredible. I was addicted.

I had always had a weakness for pussy and the fact that it was Alex's compounded my basest desire by a thousand.

I didn't want her to come too fast. Selfishly, I wanted to enjoy this for as long as I could. Her taste, her smell, the sounds she made above me, it was all so perfect.

I licked her slowly, thoroughly, dipping into her opening briefly and greedily lapping up the juices that had pooled there. I made my way back to her hardened clit, licking it lightly at first and then lashing it with my tongue. I alternated between sucking it into my mouth and then releasing it to have my tongue flutter against it. Her moaning was incessant, enhancing my own desire.

She had been close for a while now and I knew I had to release her. I moaned into her and pulled her bundle between my lips once again, sucking hard. She cried out above me, her hand cupping the back of my head, holding me against her unnecessarily. I flicked my tongue over her clit quickly and felt the pressure build inside her. I sucked harder and flicked my tongue over her again. Her body froze, silence around us, and then she came down hard. I glanced up to see her head thrown back, her chest heaving.

"God, Liv, yes" she moaned as she came in my mouth, against my tongue and chin. I held on tighter and lapped up the juices that flowed freely from her. She tried to pull me up but I couldn't stop, I continued to lick her clean..

She had collapsed to her elbows and I could tell was fighting hard to keep her eyes even half open. I gave her one last lick, eliciting a cracked moan, and got up from my knees, wrapping my arm around her waist and placing her against the pillow. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her forehead, moving away the damp hair from her face.

She was shivering. I pulled the blanket on top of us and held her close.

"You okay?" I asked, quietly.

"Better than okay" she murmured into my chest, ending her statement with a soft kiss.

Warmth radiated from my body and I couldn't tell if it was because of her body pressed to mine or something else.

We laid like that for some time and I assumed she had fallen asleep, her breathing evenly spaced against my chest.

"Don't let me go" she said out of nowhere, surprising me. The statement was so her. Commanding and definitive, even when she was vulnerable.

"I don't plan to" I whispered, the warmth inside me intensifying and spreading through my body.

At last, I let my eyelids close.


End file.
